Leave it to us crazy Okies to stop eating pork because of the swine flu. A local pork expert explains:

“This new flu virus has not been found in pigs so there is no reason to be concerned about the safety of eating pork,” said Roy Lee Lindsey, executive director of the Oklahoma Pork Council. “We hope changing the name to the more appropriate H1N1 flu will help consumers understand that the current flu outbreak is not associated with pork.”

I sympathize with pork producers, I do. In fact, since this virus hasn’t been found in pigs, we should probably all be eating more pork. Perhaps there is something to be said for hogs stuffed with hormones* and antibiotics.
*No hormones are used in the raising of hogs.

But calling this virus H1N1? That’s ridiculous! What if this thing takes off and wipes out all of mankind? How embarrassing would that be when intergalactic lifeforms stumble on a pig-filled earth and read that it was a little ol’ H1N1 that kicked our humanoid butts? No, if there’s even the slightest chance of some virus killing us all, it should have a cool name that sends chills down your spine; like Black Death, Human Plague, or Obama’s Mama.

Therefore, I’ve asked some influential Okies to come up with alternative names for the influenza virus formerly known as Swine. Preferably a name that takes public attention off Oklahoma pork producers and places it elsewhere.

Gov. Brad Henry simply says he’ll veto whatever name the House comes up with.
Lt. Gov. Jari Askins doesn’t care what it’s called, but she’ll be there when it’s announced.
Attorney General Drew Edmondson refers to it as the Arkansas Chicken Virus.
Senator Jim Inhofe wants to call it the Global Warming Hoax Virus.
Senator Tom Coburn prefers the name People That Bring Up My Bank Bailout Vote Virus.
Rep. Tom Cole hasn’t received the GOP memo yet.
Rep. Mary Fallin is going with the Anti-American Values Virus.
State Sen. Glen Coffee hopes if he ignores it, it will disappear.
State Rep. Randy Terrill just plain calls it a Mexican Virus.
State Rep. Shane Jett envisions an H1N1OK! Virus.
OKC Mayor Mick favors anything that would look good on the side of a city building. And the City will even supply the building.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 30th, 2009 at 2:00 pm and is filed under Humor, News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.