There’s a foul mouth Okie blogger I rarely visit, and he happens to operate the last known AOL journal/blog left in existence. The guy’s so technically challenged that he still worries about the Y2K bug. And to top it off, he wonders why he doesn’t get more comments. Yet, his obtrusive comment policy requires a credit card number and two forms of photo ID.

I’d link to the blog, but you wouldn’t like it. Though I don’t really know him, he worships me, so I throw him a bone once in a while. Today’s bone is the use of Okiedoke’s cutting edge comment system. Below is his latest post. Please consider leaving a word or two in the comment area, even if you don’t mean it, just to show that the most pitiful, obscure bloggers deserve something for their effort. Thanks.

Good Fellas
What do you want in life? You know, what do you want to be when you grow up? It’s the question we deal with in life from the age of three or when ever some overachieving *ucker [edited] decides it’s time you map out a life plan. You know what those smug *astids [edited] never ask? They never ask WHO you want to be! They never ask what kind of a person do you want to be as an adult.

I was in church the other day and some old wrinkled fossil teeters down the aisle at a snails pace. Since I was in my good clothes and couldn’t crawl over the backs of those wooden benches, I had to wait on his slow *ss [edited] while everybody there greeted him with smiles and warm hand shakes. *amn [edited] near exactly as they had greeted me! One of the Wal-Mart Greeters they use at the Church to hand out playbills, leaned over and engaged me in conversation after greeting the old turtle. Evidently he saw we had lots of time to bond since Speedy was zipping between the pews at a lightening pace.

“Can you believe him?” the greeter asked. “He’s 95 years old and comes to church every Sunday. He used to be the manager of the gas refinery. Good fella!”

Nearly a century on this planet and thousands of employees engaged doing hard dangerous work (I know, I’ve seen Urban Cowboy) and he is summed up with a satisfied smile and the long earned name as a “Good fella.” So as I stood there staring at my watch and wondering if the Minister would *lick [edited] the lights before starting the Sunday morning show, I absently wondered about the timeline of old Methuselah, as I overtly ignored Mr. “Thank you for shopping Presbyterian.” How many men had he fired? Had he ever crushed the hopes and dreams of young men not cut out to work refinery jobs? Did he lose sleep over the 8 year industrial clean up to remove the toxins from the center of our town after the refinery shut down? Did he cry when he laid off hundreds of employees when the plant was closed?

And you know what? None of it mattered, because everybody in that church knew him. He was a fixture in their lives as well as a part of the community. He did his job, he did his best for his family and he did it with an entire community watching. He was known to those that matter, and to those that matter he was known as a “Good fella.” And THAT is who he is and how he will always be remembered.

I couldn’t help but share in the pride of having the privilege of knowing - old what’s his name - as he advanced down towards his family pew in the center of the church at a glaciers pace. And because I drank of his koolaide I can’t help but think I am now a better person for it.

What do you think?

Having sported a beard for more than 30 years now, and taken chemistry, you’d think I’d have known what this was: The Oklahoma Confederation of Flocculent Visages

The OKCFV, or “Oaksiv” as some* lovingly call it, is a local chapter of Beard Team USA. It was founded with the intention of gathering the bearded and moustachioed of Oklahoma together to form a close brotherhood. One that may someday come to represent our country at the World Beard and Moustache Championships. For now, as we are assembling our members, we wish for all to keep the flocculence going!

I thought about joining, but not only do I fear close bonds with wooly-faced men (and women), the whole idea of me growing a beard was to keep all the adoring women (and men) at bay. You can imagine what a hunk I am with my nubile jawline exposed.

And, I might add, the tactic has worked extremely well so far.

Although, wearing a monocle would be cool.

In the mail today was a letter from my insurance agent. He wants my social security number and date of birth so he can obtain my credit score. If it’s high enough we will receive a discount on our homeowner insurance. It smells phishy.

Since I don’t use credit to pay the insurance premium, I’m trying to understand why a person with a higher credit score would be a better insurance risk than someone with a lower score.

All I can come up with is that the insurance company wants to market my name and credit information. Phuckers.

At least to see if there are still people following.

The expressions of Chelsea and Bill in this photo of Hillary speaking to supporters in Indiana say it all about the continued feasibility of the Clinton campaign.

Highlighting the financial woes of her campaign, Clinton has lent her campaign more than $6 million over the last month, according to campaign officials.

I may be in trouble:

The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master

People count on you to come through. That’s why you need these, to start.

Just as I’d feared; about 66%, or a D in manhood.

Listening to our esteemed Oklahoma legislators and business leaders, it’s easy to get confused about state spending and tax policy. Some say we need more taxes. Some say we need fewer taxes. Some say we need more corporate subsidies. Some (a few) say we need less. Some want to add to state bond debt to finance their desires. Others feel we should pay as we go. What are us common folk to believe?

Well, we here at Okiedoke aren’t entirely sure. Which is why I post snarky commentary about it all. And which is also why I’ve added the Oklahoma Policy Institute to the list of okie resources at right.

Oklahoma Policy Institute (OK Policy) is a new non-profit organization committed to advancing policies aimed at alleviating poverty, expanding economic opportunity and promoting fiscal responsibility. OK Policy will conduct objective analysis of state policy issues to better position Oklahoma to become a more prosperous, better educated, healthier and increasingly equitable Oklahoma.

OK Policy promises “non-partisan analysis of policy issues of concern to Oklahomans”. So, yeah, it’ll be plenty boring. However, I’ll do my part to liven things up occassionally; such as finding out who is bankrolling this think tank.

Addendum - OK Policy Director David Blatt responded to my inquiry on their funding:

… currently operating grants from a national foundation (Stoneman Family Foundation) that is part of the State Fiscal Analysis Initiative network and from the George Kaiser Family Foundation in Tulsa, along with a small policy grant from CFED. These entities had been funding the public policy work at Community Action Project and have transferred their support over to Oklahoma Policy Institute.

The State Fiscal Analysis Initiative network is led by the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a well respected think tank focusing on the impact of government budgets on lower income folks.

Oklahoman George Kaiser is the world’s 68th richest billionaire and known for fighting poverty and supporting Oklahoma’s Jewish community.

Online info is sketchy about the Stoneman Family Foundation, other than this:

I think I trust the Stonemans most of all.

I was checking out the new Oklahoma Ethics Commission website to see if its online contextual & technical usability had improved any.

Oklahoma’s grade in the web site usability category slipped back into the F range after having earned a D- in 2005. Usability testers took longer finding specific data in 2007 and found the site’s terminology to be more confusing than in 2005.

I’ve used the site for a while now, and though it does take some getting used to, a little persistence can reap some interesting campaign disclosures. For instance:

The “Statistical Information” page offers top ten lists of committees receiving the most contributions, making the most expenditures, and maintaining the largest account balances.

I liked this one showing Sen. Harry Coates ranked #1:

Senator Coates is a construction consultant by profession whose firm operates throughout the United States and the Caribbean.

The Coates 2010 campaign promises to be a blockbuster! Adding the $76,000 left over from previous campaign funding to the current $3,100, along with two promising years of hefty donations from businesses wanting loopholes for hiring illegal workers…

Sen. Harry Coates, a Seminole Republican, opposed the law and has tried to repeal a section that goes into effect July 1, requiring employers to join a federal program to check the immigration status of all workers.

… any candidate challenging Sen. Coates and all his Chamber of Commerce buddies is sure folly. I look for Coates to break all fundraising records for a state senator. That is if he can just figure out how his email works.

Oklahomaless serves with two kinds of soldiers.
Oklahoma Film Critics Circle runs down the all-time best political movies.
Oklahoma Lefty reviews top comedy tv.
The Local Malcontent mimics a couple of tv characters.
Keepin’ It Rural opens his house to stray dogs.
Brit Gal’ in the USA chooses poop in her handbag.
jmbzine.com views Obama wrong and Wright right.
BatesLine is getting old.
The Lost Ogle finds OKC not just recession proof, but also vacation proof.

The Obama campaign has missed a big opportunity with their latest offer:

Make a donation of $15 or more before midnight on Wednesday, April 30th, and receive a limited edition Vote for Change car magnet.

The mistake made by the Obama campaign is that they show an image of the magnet on the back of a car. Bad move. Not only can a magnet be easily removed by zealous supporters of John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Ron Paul, but the weight of a magnet only reduces the vehicle’s gas mileage in these times of sky-rocketing fuel costs. A better option would be to wrap an Obama HOPE magnet around the fuel line.*

With a magnetic field we can increase the internal energy of the fuel, to cause specific changes at a molecular level. Increasing the internal energy to obtain more easier combustion. The molecules fly apart easier, join with oxygen easier and ignite easier. ‘Ionization’ implies that the fuel acquires a ‘charge’ and molecules of like charge repel each other, this makes fuel dispersal more efficient. Then if you charge the air to the opposite polarity, then the fuel and oxygen combine far quicker than ‘normal’. We can obtain about:

80% -90% Reduction in Hydrocarbon emissions.
60% -80% Reduction in Carbon Monoxide emissions.
20% Reduction in Nitrogen Oxides.
10% - 40% in Consume Reduction.
8% - 60% in Increase Mileage.

And of course a bumper sticker should be included with each magnet:

* Hope required.

It appears the latest GOP script has been emailed. dustbury noticed it:

Republican Party Chairman Gary Jones called upon Democrat Senators to follow Governor Henry’s lead … in making public their preferences for President of the United States.

Henry, you’ll remember, endorsed Barack Obama. Jones apparently wants all these Democrats on the record:

“Oklahoma voters deserve to know who their Democrat Senators and aspiring Senators will support. Does Nancy Riley support Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton? Will Charlie Laster follow the lead of his friend from Shawnee and throw his support to Obama? Who can the voters of southeastern Oklahoma expect Richard Lerblance to support?” Jones asked. “I hardly believe either Clinton or Obama reflects the conservative, pro-family, pro-Second Amendment values of that region. Who will it be, Senator Lerblance?”

And Erudite Redneck noticed it too - on video, no less: ‘Democrats! Pick one! And hurry the hell up!’

To most folks, state representative Rob Johnson may appear to be just another typical politician seeking the office of Oklahoma Corporation Commissioner.

But his wife’s blog indicates otherwise.

And it turns out that Rep. Johnson’s fashion style matches his political style: flash over substance. From his latest press release:

“The death tax is simply immoral and the sooner we get rid of it, the better,” said state Rep. Rob Johnson, House author of the measure.

First of all, there is no such thing as a “Death Tax” in Oklahoma. The term is used to incite emotion and attract attention to an estate tax that only applies to inheritances to other than a spouse of more than $2 million dollars. And that exemption increases to $3 million in 2009. And:

In 2003 when the exemption amount was $1 million, only 228 of the 35733 decedents in Oklahoma had estate tax liability – 99.8 percent of decedents paid no estate tax

These days, with the increased exemptions, Oklahoma’s estate tax affects even fewer descendants - about 1/10th of 1%.

Secondly, the estate tax is set to end in 2010 anyway. Johnson wants to eliminate the tax in 2009, even if it isn’t practical.

… he agreed that state revenue is down and said it may not be feasible to accelerate elimination of the estate tax this year.

The only reason it wouldn’t be feasible is if so-called conservative politicians kept reducing state revenues while at the same time crying out for more expenditures.

Rep. Johnson expresses concern over health of flood control dams

“Each year the state of Oklahoma is saved over $70 million in damage that is prevented because these dams are in place–and during last year’s record rainfall they saved over four times that amount,” Johnson said. “If we want this protection to continue and if we want to avoid the catastrophe of a dam failure, we need to act now to repair these structures.”
-
“Our appropriation of over $6 million is the most the state has ever dedicated to flood control rehabilitation. That being said, even with the federal match this money doesn’t go very far when you consider it costs roughly $1 million per dam for rehabilitation and we have over 1,000 dams that need to be repaired in the next 10 years. We have to do more if we want to ensure the protection these dams have provided for the last 50 years is maintained into the future.”

Since using a small tax on some of the inheritance from a fraction of Oklahoma’s wealthiest multi-millionaire estates for such a purpose would be “immoral” in Johnson’s view, maybe we should enact a “Flash Tax” on pimp costumes instead.

A popular place for folks to fitness walk around here is on Thunderbird dam. However, I prefer the area below the dam this time of year - less people and more nature.

Like this gal we came across yesterday:

She was in our path and Obi made a wide swing around her. (His respect for snakes developed after being bitten by a copperhead in our backyard last year.) I moved in for a close up and she patiently posed for a few flash shots. (That’s why I believe it was a female; male snakes are probably camera shy. Also, I didn’t see any bumps on her chin.) And despite its diamond back pattern and triangular head, I knew it wasn’t venomous. Yet, I couldn’t identify it until I got home and checked my Field Guide to Oklahoma’s Amphibians and Reptiles.

Identity here.

Olivia Munn for instance (Complex magazine Rated R):

The 25-year-old actress, model, and host of G4 TV’s Attack of the Show! will say or do just about anything to elicit a guffaw.

What’s that? Think Miss Munn is out of your league? Well, do you like camping?

C: What do you think about hardcore guys camping outside stores to buy sneakers and video game consoles?

Olivia Munn: My favorite thing on a guy is a cool shirt, sneakers, and a watch, so if a guy’s camping out to get sneakers, that’s cool. I think you can really tell a guy by the kind of shoes he puts on his feet.

And are you fashion feeble?

C: What do guys wear that turns you off completely?

Olivia Munn: Anything that looks like an outfit he put more time into than I put into my outfit, matchy-matchy, pink shoes with a pink shirt.

Finally, do you have a phone?

C: Nonetheless, you’re generally very approachable.

Olivia Munn: I gave out my oliviamunn at gmail.com address on TV once, like “whatever”—and then I got 6,000 emails in one day. I had to make an alternate, but I still use that one. I’ve called fans if they gave me their number, too.

Just one bit of advice to those guys that might end up meeting Olivia: you may want to keep your distance.

C: Do germs bother you when you shake that many hands?

Olivia Munn: They always have sanitizer for us. The weird thing is, I’m really O.C.D.—I wash my hands a lot and I like things in corners—but when it comes to fans, I forget to sanitize my hands. There were a lot of kisses on the cheek, too, and it just didn’t bother me after a while. I know it sounds gross, but it’s because they’re such nice, normal people.

And if you’re lucky enough to get a date, bring your own soap.

C: So fan germs touched your body later when you showered?

Olivia Munn: I’m sure some of their germs were in my mouth. When I was in the shower, I just thought about all of them and their dirty, nasty germs all over me. I mixed their germs and saliva with lye and created a bar of soap. That’s what I bathe with now.

Carrots optional.

Sometimes it’s nice to reflect on the past; four years ago on Okiedoke:

The Okie Round-up was only a few months old.

Acorns from an Okie sees Dems and Repubs a lot alike.
Backpedal by Design has his head in the clouds.
Batesline fears losers in charge.
Bitweever gathers April Fool’s pranks.
BizOfun loves his new Taco slot.
Bloggins..Schiesty blog - Crash different.
Camedwards waves goodbye to free speech.
Dustbury shares his blogging secret.
E-Scout used to dislike Wal-Mart.
Jewdez concludes some kids are just brats.
JMBzine is not happy with Green politics.
Library Stories is hunting for Okie library cats.
Life and Deatherage and Republican rules.
OkiePundit asks why Okies sent Carroll Fisher to China.
Oklahoma Wine News has a legal wine list.
Program Witch Pages tries something new at Blog Oklahoma.
Reflections in d minor is otherwise known as the “Persnickety Old Schoolmarm.”
Snellfrocky takes the L out of BLS.
So Blog Me! goes random.
This is class warfare won’t be listening to any talk radio.
Tropiary has the inside scoop on the Simpson’s negotiations. (Apr 1)
What’s Your Damage? posts a Tornado special.

About half of those blogs are no more.

I did polls back then.

Okiedoke poll results
Grade Oklahoma’s legislature

37.3% - D
34.9% - C
18.1% - F
9.6% - B
0.0% - A

How many blogs by Okies do you visit?

36.0% _ 5 -10
29.1% _ 1 - 5
20.9% _ 10 - 20
7.0% _ 20 - 30
5.8% _ All I can find
1.2% _ 30 - 40

I also gave out health tips.

Cutting cancer
Reducing your chance of getting cancer is worth the effort. The largest study to date shows how you can do your part to minimize your cancer risk.

Men who ejaculate 13 times a month or more, are much less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life than men who only do it four to seven times a month.

Men who reported ejaculating between 13 and 20 times a month had a 14 percent lower lifetime risk of getting the cancer than the four to seven times a month group.

The most-sexually active group surveyed for the study – men who said they ejaculated upwards of 21 times a month on average for most of their adult lives – had a 33 percent lower lifetime risk than the baseline group.

Read the rest of this entry »

When it comes to Oklahoma rock…

Nominate your choice for the Official State of Oklahoma Rock Song. Any song written or performed by an Oklahoman is eligible.

Liberal blogger Rena:

‘Funnel of Love’ by Wanda Jackson should be official Oklahoma Rock Song

Conservative blogger and rock music historian, Charles:

I sent in the one and only song that makes sense to me in this context: Wanda Jackson’s “Funnel of Love” (Capitol 4553, 1961), which offers not one, not two, but three connections to this state:

1. Wanda’s from Maud, and today lives in Moore.
2. The tasty guitar licks are provided by latter-day Tulsan Roy Clark.
3. What could be more Oklahoman than Tornado as Metaphor? I mean, really.

Current list of nominees here.